Am I doing something that matters?

When I woke up this morning, I thought to myself, "Am I doing something that matters?" This is a question that has haunted me since the end of 2013. I look around me today and see friends becoming enemies, lives unnecessarily stolen, protests, and overall chaos. God has been gracious in protecting me, but I still think, "Am I doing something that matters?" 

At the end of 2012, I thought I had the perfect life, the one I envisioned for myself. My marriage was on the up, in the reconciliation process. I had my dream job, working for a Christian ministry serving inner-city youth. We just found a wheelchair accessible house in a decent neighborhood with a backyard for the dog, and enough space to start a family. It was perfect!

In just two years, everything changed! After having my #LittleBear in 2014, my husband's Depression began rearing it's ugly head. I was struggling in silence with Post-partum Depression. My job changed leadership and I knew God was calling me away, but to what? 

I started my Chloe + Isabel business in September of 2014, hoping it would help keep my family afloat until I found another full-time job. I finally obeyed God's calling me away from what I thought was my dream job in November of that year. We struggled, financially, maritally, emotionally, and spiritually. I took a part-time job way below my experience and financial needs, while still working my c+i business. It was so hard, but we trudged through. 

By April of 2015, things were on an upswing. I was hired as Program Coordinator for KEEN New York, a national non-profit organization providing free sports and recreation activities for youth with Diverse Abilities. My c+i business was transformed by The DiversAble Model Project, and my baby boy had just turned 1. The only thing I felt was missing was me doing daily ministry. My job at KEEN and with c+i are both "secular" and I missed being able to openly share my faith. I missed when my job WAS sharing my faith, teaching people that true love isn't judgmental, angry, or harsh. Teaching people that the God we formulate in our minds, the old man who is always scolding us, is not real. I missed the freedom to tell people that their pain isn't because God hates them. Love! I missed showing and teaching love.

When I woke up this morning and asked myself, "Am I doing something that matters?" God gave me a resounding, "Yes!" When I shared God's love for work, many people figured I was doing my job. Maybe they even thought I was really good at my job. Many were touched by the Holy Spirit. He was able to use me no matter what, but it was still my work. Since working for KEEN and c+i, I have had real encounters with real people about the real God. This didn't happen because of my job, but because God lives in me. My life's work matters and I don't need a title to live in my faith. I've shared God's love with literally thousands of people through c+i. They may not even know it, but it's true!

As I look around and see the division between black and white, police vs. people, homosexual vs. herterosexual, religion vs. religion, my heart breaks. I long to do more! I desire to bring peace, joy, love...God! 

Though it often feels like sports and recreation for DiversAble Youth makes no difference to the problems our world faces today, that's a LIE! Though it feels like my jewelry business is useless to the chaos that has consumed our society, that's a LIE! I am uniting people through both of my jobs. I am demonstrating God's love through my own faith journey. I am empowering people. What I do matters!!

What do you do and do you believe it matters?
Support The DiversAble Model Project by placing an order on my c+i boutique. A portion of all proceeds will be used to further develop this project: ORDER HERE


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